She's 18 and almost a Beauty Queen

A huge thank you to my older sister. Such a talented person, in Arts and in Photography. Now it's time to finish my invitation.

Preparations

Hello, my dear Internet friends. So in less than three (3) months, I will be celebrating my 18th birthday. *Pops champagne* *party all night on the internet*  And I still have a lot of preparing to do for my "debut". Dun dun dun. Anyway, I have finished the first three pages of my "future invitation" that I will be sending to my friends and new and old classmates.

So yay. I hope everything works out just fine, and everyone would be able to come! I better start sending out the invites as soon as possible. Hahahah...birthdays. *dies*

Sophomore Slump

I owe you guys a lot of blog posts, but I'll begin with this one since I'm still in the middle of contemplating the words to say about Circuit Fest and the day before that. Anyway, I'm officially on my second year in College! I can't say that there are no anxiety building up inside my head right now, but I'm also as excited to learn new things and spend almost a year with my friends. I can't believe how fast time flies. It seems like it was only yesterday when I'd attended the Uni's orientation and I thought my life was doomed from then on. And when I met these awesome people, my views in life had changed then.

So yeah, wish me luck! I hope I survive this year because now, it's strictly srs business. 

*Throws confetti and cartwheels to exit*

"I forgot to bring my camera to the concert and I'm actually glad"

A Circuit Fest life realization moment.

The idiot that I am forgot to bring my camera yesterday because we were in a hurry to leave. To be honest, I was worried at first because I've gotten so used to bringing a camera to every show and I might not be able to take pictures for memories, blah blah blah. But yesterday, as soon as This Century hit the stage, it all came inside my head. 

A life-changing realization. 

It is okay not bring a camera, it is okay to bring a camera. In my case, I don't ever regret bringing cameras before during the show and I really really really don't regret not bringing a camera now. Because before, the feeling of Post-Concert Depression was okay and I could just look at the pictures and videos I've taken from that day. But now, the feeling of PCD had just leveled up simply because!!!

1. If I get sad, I don't have a choice. It's either I go search for my friends' photos and videos all around the internet to look at it, or I turn up the volume and blast the playlist they played last night...and then sob.
2. I miss them already and the only place I could go back to where I can see and feel everything again is my memory.
3. Fuck, I met one of my most favourite bands and although I do have pictures with them I still don't have them so damn. PCD EVERYWHERE.

And that is my heartfelt post about last night. I'm going to grab photos from my friends instead so I at least can graphically show you what we went through yesterday.

Extraordinary

I take a step into a world, unknown
where everything is uncertain.
The people are cruel enough
to let you handle the lies and truth
on your own.

Things got rougher each second
the uncertainty has doubled
to a point where everything was
hard to believe.

I look for safety,
and found myself huddled up
on a dark corner.
No can see me
fear has overcome my existence.
Here is the part
where you come in.

(to be continued)

I'll Be There

(But I'd probably be on the floor, crying)

Emily Bell believes in destiny. To her, being forced to sing a solo in the church choir--despite her average voice--is fate: because it's while she's singing that she first sees Sam. At first sight, they are connected. 

Sam Border wishes he could escape, but there's nowhere for him to run. He and his little brother, Riddle, have spent their entire lives constantly uprooted by their unstable father. That is, until Sam sees Emily. That's when everything changes.

As Sam and Riddle are welcomed into the Bells' lives, they witness the warmth and protection of a family for the first time. But when tragedy strikes, they're left fighting for survival in the desolate wilderness, and wondering if they'll ever find a place where they can belong. Beautifully written and emotionally profound, I'll Be There is a gripping story that explores the complexities of teenage passions, friendships, and loyalties.

 I've had this book on queue for sometime now. Since I hadn't been in such a good reading mood recently, I decided to not read it until yesterday. Anyway, as soon as I finished this book earlier today, my entire body wouldn't shut down. Emotions were flooding and I was completely overwhelmed by the sadness and happiness all at the same. This book is so well-written, I could read it again and again and I wouldn't get tired or lazy. I tossed and turned all night, just thinking "how could Clarence Border do that to his own children?" and I am reminded of the personal unfortunate events I'd gone through the past years that were somehow similar to what Sam and Riddle had gone through.

Also, the fact that Emily and Sam connected through a song just made my heart melt into a puddle of love and swoons. The events following that almost got me spontaneously combusting. Riddle, too, is the most adorable, talented ever in the world of fiction.

All in all, this book (for me) is stuff of legend. Because while I read every single word, sentence, paragraph, it's as if the characters are brought to life. It was as if a movie that hadn't been directed and created was playing inside my head.

★★★★★

Feel Good 101

This video was made by emmablackery on Youtube. It's about people not having ambitions and why you/they/we shouldn't panic about it. It helped me sort out my thoughts about future goals and ambitions. I hope it helps you out too!!

What I've been trying to do

It has been 10 days since I last made post, so now I feel like I should tell you what I have been trying to do for those past 10 days.

• Get enrolled at the University
• Avoid any sort of social interaction in real life
• Read books
• Practice drawing
• Read books
• Edit, edit, edit photos
• Try to make a proper selfie
• Read more books

So that's about everything, really. I just find it hard to post something really interesting right now since there's literally nothing going on in my life. I'm waiting for next week though, since it will be Circuit Fest! I'm so excited for everything, I have it all planned out so I hope will everything will push through. Sigh. 

Anyway, I have finished editing stuff and now here is a couple of photos I took back in Malapascua Island, Cebu. This was last month, I literally have no idea why it took me this long to post about it.

(P.S.: I used PSDs on the photos, so yeah...)

Aww yeah.

The whole island gave off this explainable, relaxing vibe. If it weren't for the fact that the mineral water there costs about 20 PhP., I would totally choose to stay there forever. It's just wonderfully peaceful!

The best part about this island is that, if you're not careful, you might step on the starfishes and sea urchins lying about the sea shore! Haha!

One of the best trips ever, literally.

(I'm also attempting to make a short clip out of the short videos and other photos I got from the vacation!)

Point of Realisation

Hello, my good fellow internet people. I’ve once again managed to be such an irresponsible klutz for leaving my blog, without even a single post worth reading entirely. Honestly, looking back from the past weeks, I can tell how much my summer hasn’t been fairly productive. And I am sorry for being able to stick to my word about /making/ my summer /productive/. Once again, I am a major klutz.

Anyway, this post isn’t about summing up my entire summer vacation yet. Basically, because my summer is still not done for I still have approximately 3 (or 4?) weeks left. Aside from preparing for my 18^th debut celebration, I’ve also indulged myself into watching TV Series (it’s a good and a bad thing).

Okay, that isn’t really the whole point of this post. I’m sorry (again); I have this habit of eventually drifting off from the appointed topic. I’m still trying to fix it. Anyway! Okay, time to carry on to the main agenda for tonight.

I am a bad friend.

Now, I know. There isn’t really an official basis for bad friends, but I guess I’m just judging myself through my actions towards my (real life) friends. You see, when you spend years and years with people, you start to think that they must know you very well already. Or at least, that’s how I think about the people I’ve spent a huge amount of time with in the past years. I just like to think that they already know me so well, you know? Just like actual best friends do. I’ve never had an actual best friend until I reached my third year in High school, and the best part of that was I got about nine best friends. It was the best—and somehow the worst—years of my life. We’ve been the best of friends and classmates for about 3 or 4 years, they basically know everything that’s been happening with my life. Back then, I thought they already knew me well enough to identify what I like and don’t like in life.

But looking back to everything from now, it almost seems like they really didn’t know me that well…at all. I’m probably wrong about this, because back then I used to lie a lot about myself and what I feel. It’s like a defense mechanism of some sort, I don’t know.

It’s just that, not so long ago I hung out with them again. You know the same old drill. We went out, talked a lot and shared stories. Then there was this one moment when one of my closest friends was talking about her ex-boyfriend (I didn’t know they broke up until then), and I literally had no idea about what she was telling me anymore. And you know what’s worse? I had no idea what to tell her after that, so I just nodded and said “everything’s going to be okay.”

The painful part about all of this is when I realized how much I’ve disconnected from these people after we graduated from High school. I am a bad friend, I know. But it’s not like they made an effort in reaching me. We’d spent 3 years together; they should at least know that I didn’t like texting people first or talking to people first because that’s how I am. And unless the lives of every living creature in this planet depended on it, I really won’t approach people first.

Ugh, it’s already bad that I’m holding all this against them. But I’m only human, and I can’t help but think that I feel left out. Maybe if they come over to my house and I actually know what they’re talking about, I wouldn’t feel so. But I do, every single goddamn time they step foot in our household. I literally don’t know what to do or what to say, because I don’t understand. The worst part of it all is they don’t even ask about me, whether I’m doing well or whether I’m not. I am the underdog of the group, I’ve always been and I will always probably be. It hurts that they allow me to think this way, or they just let it happen. And maybe they have no idea that I feel this way because a) I’m good at lying about what I feel and b) they literally don’t ask at all.

I’m a genuinely easy person to talk to, really. If you’d asked me what I feel and you meant it, I would literally spill everything without restraints. But they…I just can’t help but think that they’re just some of those people who asks you if you’re okay just for the sake of asking you, and they really don’t want to listen to you talk about shit. Like, all they want you to do is to listen to them instead.

Well I guess I'm tired of listening.

Maybe this is part of the change, because I clearly know that I’ve changed. Maybe I have finally become the person that I’ve always wanted to be, BUT I will never forget who and what I was before. Maybe this is good you know? It’s good that I’m seeing things differently from before and it might actually do me good. Maybe this is happening, so I can (finally) know who my friends are, or what the point of having friends is, or why I even have friends at all. I think this is good. But what’s not good is the fact that I—honestly—don’t want to hang out with them anymore. That not’s good at all.

I am so good at disappearing from people’s lives, but I’m bad at forgetting. I don’t want to disappear from their lives—I don’t want those 3 years of keeping up with their bullshit go to waste—but they’re making me want to disappear.

What do I do?

A Flower Girl and a King for a Day

 Yesterday, I made a flower crown because I've been dying to make one since the beginning of time but didn't have the proper materials and such. So when Momma decided to go to Divisoria, I took the chance to buy some. And here is the outcome of the hard work and anticipation!

(Tutorial by hairromance.com)

My Sister also made paper crowns today. It's quite wonderful, really, until it gets drenched with your own sweat. (Ugh man, I can spend the entire day complaining about how hot it is here in our country).

Anyway, that's how I spent my day today. It's already May! So that means I have the whole month left for vacation, next month I'll be back to Uni. :(